Suicide

A neighbour and dear friend of ours chose to end his life last week. It has left everyone in our close knit street absolutely shocked.

This guy was 40 years old, a doting father to an 8yo son, and had a fiance. He was the life of the street, a joker, caring, funny, supportive, mentoring, the kids loved hanging out with him, he just oozed fun.

I have 6 kids, all loved this guy like a big brother. It’s left them shocked and questioning why.

Why?

How can people be that desperate that suicide is the only way out? His death left us bewildered, he wasn’t on drugs, he wasn’t mentally ill, he was happy and jovial the morning of his death, what the fuck went so wrong to make him take his own life 7hrs later?

It’s left people asking why? People don’t understand that he would have a reason to do this. It was so far from the person he was.

 

There was a deep, dark secret as for what made it all turn to shit in those 7hrs. Not everyone will be told of that circumstance.
His 18yo step daughter confided in her mum (his partner) that he had molested her. The courage it took for her to admit this, and speak those words out loud for her mum to hear must have been staggering.
This girls mum questioned her partner, the secret was out, and the desperation set in.
He was shocked at himself and hated himself for what he had done. He hated himself for hurting his step daughter that he had been raising as his own for more than a decade. He couldn’t live with the hurt that he caused her, or his family, he had hurt those he loved the most in the worst way possible. The only way for him to fix it was to drive away to a secluded spot, put a gun in his mouth and fire a shot that would end his life.
Somehow he thought that this was a solution to fix what he had done.
All it’s done is create a whole other world of hurt for those left behind. Yes, his hurt, shame, disappointment has ended. But everyone else left behind has been left shell shocked. Their pain is just beginning.
It doesn’t heal the betrayal or hurt he inflicted on his step daughter or partner, if anything it amplifies it because they now feel responsible for driving him to his death.

That will never heal.

My memory of our beautiful neighbour, who loved my kids as his own, and gave them so much fun for the last 6.5yrs is forever tainted. I was feeling so much sadness and disbelief at his death, now I am angry at him for choosing this way to avoid the situation he created, and for harming his step daughter in the most unforgivable way.

Suicide is the worst possible way to end your responsibilities. The absolute worst.
For those of us left behind, it’s heartbreaking. For his family it’s a hurtful world of torment, and disbelief at not only his actions leading up to his death, but the way he chose to end his life as well.
This suicide has torn a family apart. There is no healing from that.

Rest in peace Chris.


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