Not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this on my blog, but I’m a carer to my husband.
He has a plethora of health problems, he suffers from schizophrenia, bipolar, and anxiety which is usually well controlled with medication, he has heart issues, and heading to have an angiogram and possible stents in Melbourne (160km away) a few days before Mothers Day.
He’s currently on a medicine regime which leaves him exhausted and he is unable to help with anything. He struggles walking from the lounge room to the toilet and back to the lounge room, it exhausts him, and he’s convinced that he’s dying. He’s unable to work.
One of the things being a carer to someone with a mental illness is the deception and lies that come with it. It happens often, and tears me apart every time. It puts so much strain on our relationship, and it’s getting harder and harder to forgive.
Toward the end of last year, this deception lead to him applying for a number of credit cards, and making some huge purchases that I had no idea about, until the delivery men start showing up at the door. It lead for us being about $25000 in debt. And although I didn’t cause it, it’s up to me to fix it.
Earlier this year he borrowed $4000 from his mum. Again, it’s up to me to fix, and I’m paying it back at $80 a week.
He purchased a computer and 2 iphones last year. He tells me One of the iPhone’s cost $800, when I find the receipt, it was actually $1400. The second iPhone she tells me was $500, the invoice was $849. It destroys me every single time that he lies. I don’t even know if he realises that he’s doing it.
He tells me the computer was $1800, turns out it was nearly $2700.
The deception of his purchases hurts enough, but to then find the real cost of things he’s bought is like jamming a knife through my already broken heart.
This has been going on for 20 years. I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to make him understand how much hurt this is causing me. I hate feeing like I’m enabling him to do it.
The credit cards have been destroyed. And I’m trying my hardest to sort out the debt.
I have nothing left. No savings, no income, I have nothing.
I’m emotionally spent, I have nothing left to give for emotional support. I’m beyond exhausted from the lies and deception and having to sort it out at every turn. I hate saying to my kids that we can’t do different activities because I can’t afford it.
2 years ago a very dear friend of mine passed away. In her Will, I, solely, have been named as a beneficiary of a superannuation death benefit. It’s due to be settled any day now, and although I don’t know a final figure, I’m lead to believe it’s in the thousands of dollars.
My husband knows this, and that I am expecting some sort of pay out, however we have no idea how much that is.
2 days ago he tells me that he’s enrolled in a course, and has an invoice on a 30 day turn around. He tells me the invoice is $1600, and about $1000 for accommodation for the duration of the course. I have no idea how he’s going to be fit enough to do the course, but again, I’m expected to pay for it.
He’s spending my inheritance. No consultation, no asking, just started spending money that I have been promised, even though I don’t know what figure that is.
I’m completely heartbroken. This money was left to me to set us up for the future, and to have something left to provide for our kids when we die.
He’s spending my inhertiance before I’ve even got it. And it hurts.
I’m ready to walk away. I love this man with all my being, but I’m sick of being taken for granted, and used in this way. He can’t see how hurtful, inconsiderate and heartbreaking these actions are. I’m just expected to stand by and sort it all out, and continue supporting him.
I don’t know if I can anymore.