Happiness, having your shit together, laughter, housework, organisation, relaxed, patience, alertness.
All things that I fake, and getting so bloody good at faking that people think I’m indestructible.
Problem is, when you fake this shit so well, people are looking up to you for your coping mechanisms.
What they don’t know is that you’re drowning, barely keeping that head up, and putting on a fake smile to pretend that you’re just happily floating along, not struggling to hold on..
You’re utterly physically and mentally exhausted, miserable, stressed beyond comprehension, holding back tears behind a fake laugh, you’re ready to self destruct and headed for complete breakdown.
Can’t face the stress anymore, can’t string a sentence together because of sheer mental fatigue.
Things need to be done, but you’re unable to gain enough strength to face them. You’re all out of fight and bravado, the weakness starts to prevail.
You need to sleep for a week, let go of all responsibilities, put things on the back burner while you recover and regain strength. Distract yourself from reality. Anything to deny facing the stressors that await. Stressors that are slowly destroying you.
Sometimes faking it is the worst thing you can do. The breakdown that it’s hiding is inevitable. Now just to fake your way out of that.