Motherhood. Some days, it’s fucked.

I’m a mum.
In fact, I’m a mum to 6 kids. Yep, 6.
Some days I feel that I spend all my time serving them.
It’s such a thankless, demanding job at times.
Some days I struggle so bad to stop myself from walking out the door and NEVER coming back. It honestly gets that hard. And hurtful.
I’m ashamed to admit that. It’s actually caused me to cry.

I love my kids. So deeply.
A depth that I didn’t know how this love was humanly possible. The type of love that has you bursting with pride for the silliest of reasons. Such depth of love that you literally feel your heart break if the kids are hurt or sad. There have been several times that my heart has felt it’s literally being ripped from my chest.
When My autistic son was in Prep (5yrs turning 6) his Prep teacher was diagnosed with, and started a very tough fight against, breast cancer.
She fought so hard for a few years but that bastard disease took her life.
The day this teacher passed away, My autistic son was told the news at school. He was so very brave. He walked home holding himself together, walked in the door, looked at me and the look on his face instantly broke my heart. I knew something was so devastatingly wrong. I asked him what had happened. He managed to blurt out “Mrs _________ died today” and he collapsed in my arms in a flood of tears. My heart broke for him. It broke for all the school kids who loved this special woman. It broke for her husband and her 4 sons and young baby grandson.
Being a mum in that instant, with that much heartbreak, was something I will never forget. My chest hurt. My kids were hurting and I had to help them through that grief.
That was a hard time in our house.

Blah…. Fucking tears down my cheeks again. Time to change the subject.

Phoar…. Deep breath chick… Keep moving.

Now, you’d think after 13 years, I’d have this being a mum thing down pat. All sorted. Organised, running like clockwork. Tight ship, and all that other bullshit.

Some days I do. I’m like a well oiled machine! Yeehaa, ride em cowboy.

Days like today. Hahaha, totally different kind of ship. It’s the ship of shit… My kids are wearing odd socks to school, and the house looks like a bomb has hit. The washing basket is piled high with clean washing, and there’s another load about to join it.
I need to get off my arse and get back to the organised tight ship.
I look at the laundry pile, and I want to cry.
Fuck I HATE doing the laundry. And what’s worse…. I can’t find the extra energy to fix it. I’m so beyond exhausted, both mentally and physically, I can’t pick myself up out of the rut.

I will. But right now. I’m stuck.

Motherhood. Some days, it’s just fucked….

#mother #mum #mom #heartbreak #kids #hard

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